<em><b>BREAKING: Biden Wins Whatever is Left of Presidency</em></b> BREAKING: Biden Wins Whatever is Left of Presidency By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer
<em><b>CNN Projects Sun to Explode in 4.8 Billion Years; Michigan Uncertain</em></b> CNN Projects Sun to Explode in 4.8 Billion Years; Michigan Uncertain
<em><b>Arizona Excited to Slip Back Into Irrelevance After Election</em></b> Arizona Excited to Slip Back Into Irrelevance After Election
<em><b>Supreme Court Upholds ‘Fastpass’ For Voters to Skip Line</em></b> Supreme Court Upholds ‘Fastpass’ For Voters to Skip Line
<em><b>Hunter Biden Under Fire for Owning Shitty Acer Laptop</em></b> Hunter Biden Under Fire for Owning Shitty Acer Laptop
<em><b>Autopsy Proves Murder Victim Had Weird Penis</em></b> Autopsy Proves Murder Victim Had Weird Penis
<em><b>Pence Excited to Say ‘Of Biblical Proportions’</em></b> Pence Excited to Say ‘Of Biblical Proportions’
