By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer
Fox’s longtime conservative squawk box “Hannity” has been rerunning the same episode nightly for the entire Biden presidency, sources tell the Inquirist. “Hannity” is supposed to be a take on the political events of the day. But Sean Hannity, the eponymous host, has not bothered to record anything new since January 21st and been on an unofficial sabbatical for ten weeks.
In an administration as mundane as this one, it has become increasingly difficult for right wing talk show hosts to latch onto a really fun idea. “If Joe Biden trips, or wears a weird tie, then bam!—we have everything we need for a whole week’s worth of episodes. The month, even,” said the source. “But the president’s just been boring us to death. Work isn’t fun anymore.” The best “Hannity” could do is a seven-minute supercut of Joe Biden through the decades briefly mispronouncing words before correcting himself. The January 21st episode loops the clip three times back-to-back. “Joe Biden is clearly not up to the task of Commander in Chief,” Hannity mused. “Let’s see that again.” This programming is dangerously close to violating the FCC’s strict consumer safety regulations—if the episode contains more than forty percent filler, it cannot legally be marketed as a “political news show.”
Nicknames have been hard to come by, as well. “There’s only so much mileage you can get out of ‘sleepy Joe.’” When asked if any new angles on Joe Biden were considered, the source let out an exasperated sigh. “We’ve tried everything! Creepy, weepy, sneaky, even squeaky, with very little success. It has to rhyme. We don’t have to be truthful, but we have a solemn obligation to our viewers to rhyme with ‘sleepy.’” Hannity’s team of writers has already received a cease and desist from the Disney corporation after attempting to use the names of the seven dwarves. A good nickname could fill an entire night with the host riffing on the concept, which are “some of his best shows.”
At the end of the day, perhaps “Hannity” is better off rerun into eternity. “No one’s noticed,” said the source. “Not our audience, not the network. Ratings are up, actually.” It would not be the first time a conservative host has phoned it in, either. Tucker Carlson regularly uses his primetime slot to screen “highlights” from his favorite Riefenstahl’s. And since his death, the Rush Limbaugh Show has been hosted by a culturally ignorant Fisher-Price See n’ Say. The low-key atmosphere of this president is kryptonite to the class of loud, virulent talk show hosts who are losing relevance; a potential windfall for “competent” Joe Biden. ♦