By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer
It was the signature battle cry for an already revved-up campaign. As iconic as Obama’s “Hope,” or Regan’s “Don’t Be Poor,” “No Malarkey” sent shockwaves through the nation when it was debuted by the Biden campaign. The dynamic and punchy slogan proved to be especially popular with younger voters, who appreciated the inclusion of cool words like “no.”
The “No Malarkey” promise turned out to be a load of, well, malarkey. On Wednesday, Joe Biden, now President-elect, walked back his famous pledge. “Look, folks, there’s going to be some malarkey in my administration. I’m president now, and that means I have to represent millions of Americans who voted for a whole lot of malark,” said Mr. Biden in an interview. With the high likelihood of Republicans maintaining the Senate, malarkey (and shenanigans) will be at the top of the list for the next two years.
The admission was a critical blow to a huge segment of Biden voters across the country. “It was the only reason I voted for him,” said most of the 81 million Americans who pulled the lever for the Democrat in last month’s election. Shortly after his announcement, approval ratings for Mr. Biden plunged 77 percentage points.
“It was the only reason I voted for him,”
Without “No Malarkey,” Biden will assume the presidency directionless, having lost the trust of many voters before he even takes the oath. “No more ‘No Malarkey’? What the fuck!” exclaimed most Biden supporters, we assume. “God fucking damnit!” they elaborated. Now, millions of fan-made hats, buses, and cross stitches sporting the “No Malarkey” edict will have to be thrown out, or at least incinerated. And a thought is spared for the tens of thousands of American citizens who now wander around aimlessly with “NO MALARKEY” tattooed on their chests. “I shouldn’t have gotten that tattoo,” said everyone who got that tattoo, though they said that well before this latest development. ♦