By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer
It’s a sad day for all of us. There’s nothing more beautiful, I think, than seeing so many people here, all celebrating the life of our dear friend, Josh Terrison. By the way, let me say a big thank you to Josh’s family for agreeing to hold an open-forum wake.
Josh was a good man. Him and I were coworkers for a time back in 2004—I remember his laugh, his electric personality, and his love of sports. Wait.
Did he like sports? I’m blanking on this. Yes, he did! He would—no, that’s a different Josh. I’m thinking of a different Josh. I’m so sorry. He may have mentioned sports. It is also possible that he talked about it all the time. I never really listened to what he was saying.
Hold on—a clue! Ma’am, yes, you—you just spoke before me, yes? You had a story about how he would always go to baseball games? Oh, that was his father, Mr. Terrison? Well, can we ask him? Is he still alive? I see. My condolences.
Sorry, all, I’m really getting off script here. Just, indulge me for a moment, please. Show of hands, did Josh like sports? Raise your hand if he did not like sports.
That’s about half of you… hmm. Uh.
I see more of you are crying now than when I started this speech. Hold on, we’re gonna figure this out.
Sir, you look like you could have been his coach. Are you a basketball coach? No? Soccer? Frisbee? Well, you should be a basketball coach. Quit your job, you’d be great at basketball. Just like Josh was, right? Anyone?
If you were doing an open casket thing, maybe Josh would be buried with a prized medal around his neck, that would be a big hint. But you can’t, because, they never found the body, right?
Forget I said that. Mr., Mrs. Terrison, I am so sorry. Actually, just Mrs. Terrison, right, because the baseball-loving father is dead, if you, ma’am, are to be believed.
Let’s get back to the man of the hour: Josh. Josh, I can see you in heaven right now, smiling down at us. But while I see you, I can’t hear you, and hearing you would really clear things up re: the whole ‘sports’ thing. So… start talking.
Thank you, everybody. Next up at the podium is… Frances Whitaker, who was, let me read this here, he was (ahem) Josh’s… track buddy in high school.