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Plump, Juicy Chicken Advances to Second Round of Tyson Interviews

By Ari Mostow | Staff Writer

An industrious and delicious-looking chicken advanced to the second stage of the Tyson Foods recruitment process last Wednesday after a successful interview.


“We were very impressed with the chicken’s past experience working in a small-cage environment, its corn-pecking ability, and its knowledge of Microsoft Office Suite,” said Chad Wong, a regional recruiter with the company (and is human). “Just looking at the chicken’s solid resume and tender legs, we expect he will make a great fit with our Tyson family.”

According to sources, the chicken has already received multiple other offers from big names such as Perdue Farms and Cargill Meat Solutions Corp™. “We are still negotiating salary,” explained his attorney, Janet Rowland. “My client expects at least two piles of grain per day, and LOTS of hormones.” Other factors in the chicken’s decision will likely include insurance benefits and stock options (the ability to be turned into chicken stock).

“We expect he will make a great fit with our Tyson family.”

Some at Tyson were initially displeased with the prospect of an outside hire. Instead, many in middle management pushed for someone in the Sides department to be promoted, like a bowl of green beans or mashed potatoes. Still, they look forward to working with such a promising chicken.


“I’ve been dreaming of this opportunity ever since I hatched out of an egg last November,” clucked the chicken. “I hope to inspire fat and juicy birds around the world that you too can make it up the pecking order if you work hard.” Many have congratulated the chicken on this “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity, including famous 7-year-old YouTube star @chickennuggetlover, whose heartwarming tweet “I can’t wait to eat you!” racked up thousands of likes.

The chicken’s accomplishment also comes on the heels of Amélie Leblanc, the first female Canadian turkey, making history as the main course at an American Thanksgiving dinner. “The poultry industry is definitely becoming more of a meritocracy than it used to be,” sausage-meat recruiter Alyssa Rogers explained. “It used to be if your father was some bigshot, like the chicken wings at a Superbowl watch party, then you were a shoo-in at a company like Tyson. Now, you have to prove your own worth and flavor.”


The chicken is still undecided about its final career goal, but it has expressed high interest in becoming a Popeyes sandwich—an honor reserved for top level talent.

Thank you for reading!