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Trump Confuses Medal of Honor Ceremony with Pardon

By Nate Odenkirk and Nathan Mostow | Staff Writers

The following is a firsthand transcript of an incident that occurred in the Oval Office during a ceremony on Dec. 7, 2020. The White House attempted to suppress the release of this transcript, but they did a bad job.

President Donald Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, and legendary wrestler Dan Gable were in the room along with Dan’s family.

On this date, December 7th, 2020, I, President Donald J. Trump, hereby pardon Dan Gable.

Dan Gable, you are living proof that Americans give second chances to those who have vowed to right their wrongs. For years, you turned to the seedy life of NCAA wrestling, winning underground championships and trafficking in Olympic gold medals through the 1970s. Now, Dan, it is clear to me that you have reformed yourself and are now working to becoming an upstanding citizen. We’ve ALL made mistakes here and there,

Mr. Trump glares at Mr. Pence, who smiles back.

but is clear that you are ready to move on from that life of crime. It is my honor to bestow this full and complete pardon!

Long pause. Mr. Pence whispers something into Mr. Trump’s ear.


Oh, I see. Uh oh. You’re here for the Medal of Freedom, Dan. Not sure if you knew that.

To Mr. Pence: So what did we give the other guy?

Mr. Pence whispers to Mr. Trump.

Uh huh, yeah. We gave him the Medal of Freedom? So he’s still in prison, then?

Mr. Pence whispers to Mr. Trump.

Well, how different can it be? It’s the same medal. Same medal for pardons, right?

Mr. Pence whispers to Mr. Trump.

Shit. Ok. Yeah. No, I don’t think we’ll give the last guy a pardon. I meant to give the prisoner the Medal of Freedom. Yes I did. I’m sure he’s in prison now, looking at his medal. I’d be very happy if that was me.

Alright Dan, I am proud to give you your Medal of Freedom… next time, specify which one you’re getting, okay?

Dan Gable nods.

Would you like a pardon on your way out? I can do that. No? No one? Just me then? Alright.

Thank you for reading!