By Nate Odenkirk, Ari Mostow, and Nathan Mostow | Staff Writers
Consistently ranked amongst the most recognizable Swedish discount furniture outlets, Ikea is a worldwide sensation. But how did this come to be? Read this short but comprehensive timeline below.
50,000 BC:
Excavations at early human settlements have unearthed Allen wrenches made of bone next to instructive cave paintings.
5,000 BC:
The Pyramids at Giza are purchased as a set from Ikea. The Pharaoh, believing he can build them without help, eventually gives up after an hour and just has slaves do it.
1305 AD:
Italian explorer Marco Polo travels to the Ikea food court and tries swedish meatballs. He returns to his home country with the food, and meatballs become a national dish in Italy (though the lingonberry sauce does not catch on).
1879:
Thomas Edison invents the lightbulb, paving the way for the SKURUP™ 15” Pendant Lamp.
1945:
The famed Navajo “code talkers” military unit successfully decodes the names of the supposedly unbreakable Ikea furniture catalog. The code talkers decipher Nazi communiques while they’re at it.
1954:
Sweden’s monarchy exchanged at returns desk for a parliamentary democracy (PARLIMENSKA™).
2005:
Previously unknown indigenous tribe discovered living deep within the outdoor patio section.
2014:
Malaysia Flight 370 lost somewhere in the vast expanse of an Ikea parking lot. Investigators have yet to locate the plane, though they did find a great deal on soap dispensers.
2025:
Ikeas become safe havens from the nuclear apocalypse, promising food and shelter at incredible prices. ♦
Image by @famousronsoriginal