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CNN Projects Sun to Explode in 4.8 Billion Years; Michigan Uncertain

By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer

After reviewing early returns, including scientific estimates and sun flare projections, CNN has called that the sun will in fact explode in 4.8 billion years in a fiery explosion, engulfing the solar system in a wild inferno. Results from Michigan from the 2020 race are still unknown at press time, however.

“The returns coming in from the sun give us a high degree of certainty that this will happen in a little under five billion years,” said Nate Silver, famed election handicapper. “But we can’t yet call Michigan, because we’re still waiting on 10,000 ballots from the Detroit area. It’s very much anyone’s game at this point,” he mused. “Fate of the earth is sealed, but standby for the provisional ballots from Wayne county.”

The call, made around 10:15am EST, was widely expected and fell directly in line with most predictions. Michigan, on the other hand, is a swing state that is impossible to predict with certainty every four years. “Right now, it is unclear who I’d rather be in this election: Biden and Trump could win this state. But we do know one thing about the race: neither candidate would want to be around in 4.8 billion years.”

With so much attention paid to just one state, many have asked when Michigan will cease to be critical in presidential contests. “According to our data, Michigan is poised to be a swing state for another… 4.8 billion years or so,” Silver noted. “We’re fairly certain about that.” 

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