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Physician Reports Trump Healthy Enough to Stay in Hospital Several More Weeks

By Ari Mostow | Staff Writer

Dr. Sean Conley, President Trump’s physician, spoke today at the Walter Reed military hospital regarding his optimism about Trump’s recovery. He said the president no longer had a fever, was walking around quite well, and seemed healthy enough to stay in the hospital for several more weeks.

“I am stunned at how quickly the president seems to be recovering,” Conley admired to the press. At this rate, he just has to stay at the hospital indefinitely, and he’s totally ready to get back to work!” Many have noted that it is rare for someone of Trump’s age and pre-existing health condition to make such a quick recovery. “Most people this guy’s age would be so sick that they’d only spend one night, two at most, in the hospital. But Trump is so healthy that he needs to stay here forever!”

Susan Bailey, M.D., the head of the American Medical Association, explained that it is “very common” for healthy patients to stay for long amounts of time at the hospital. “When someone is as healthy as the president is, we tend to keep them at the hospital so the other patients can look to them as a beacon of hope,” she explained. “Trump needs to stay at Walter Reed so everyone can look at him and go, ‘wow that man is so healthy!’”

Not all have accepted this explanation. Some conspiracy theory groups on social media have argued that healthy people actually leave the hospital when they’re doing well, but scientists have dismissed this as false. Experts speculate that Trump is in fact too healthy to share photographic evidence of it because people would just be jealous of how great he looks.

Prospects are not as bright for the Biden campaign, however. Sources in his staff confirm that he is still not healthy enough to go to the hospital – something that he hopes to turn around before the election.

Thank you for reading!