By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer
The Trump Administration reported that the death toll from Americans trying to vote by mail has climbed to 180,000, a sobering number. “President Trump is doing everything he can to stop this pandemic of trying to vote by mail,” said Kayleigh McEnany, President Trump’s personal spokesperson. “They need to know that it will kill them. Even voting in person too, why not.”
The vote by mail nightmare began in early March, as a less important event began to force Americans to turn to the dangerous method of voting. Symptoms of vote by mail include difficulty breathing, civic engagement, nausea, representation, death, and government accountability in extreme cases. Because of its sheer convenience, vote by mail is considered highly contagious. “Once someone in your family gets a ballot, you are ten to twenty times more likely to request a ballot yourself,” said the White House in a statement. The disease is so potent that President Trump himself came down with a tragic case of voting by mail, from which he is only barely recovering from the incredible accessibility it inflicted.
Because of its sheer convenience, vote by mail is considered highly contagious.
The White House has received praise for treating this emergency as if it were some sort of natural disaster. Preventative measures have been widely distributed: most prominently, the Trump Administration has promoted the use of masks, in hopes that it will deter licking the ballot envelope closed. Postmaster Louis DeJoy is honorably removing thousands of blue drop boxes across the country that are known hotspots for the disease. And national lockdowns were imposed to limit people walking outside to collect their mail, which may contain a mail in ballot.
Yet despite the good faith efforts from the Trump White House, millions of Americans have voted by mail, or plan to. Scores of mostly young people have ignored warnings from health officials, recklessly holding “Get Out the Vote” virtual phone banks or selfishly helping senior citizens fill out mail ballots. Speaking to the youth of America, McEnany had a stark message: “We all did careless things in college, like believing in democracy,” she said. “But this is a public health crisis. These fantasies are wrongheaded and dangerous.” Last week, teenagers in Beverly Hills were caught on camera hosting a voter information session in what activists call a “super-spreader” event.
The White House has received praise for treating this emergency as if it were some sort of natural disaster.
A vaccine for the disease is still months away. The Trump Administration has pledged billions of dollars toward developing a therapy that will neurologically block any desire one has to vote by mail. Progress is slow, but long-term trials of 80,000 at-risk participants are underway in Milwaukee, Detroit, Philadelphia, and Miami. Provisional results are promising. ♦