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The Census is Unconstitutional

By A True American | Guest Writer

WARNING: This story contains aspects that are UNAMERICAN!!

I was sitting at home in my trailer, minding my own business, when I heard a knock at the door. Not knowing anything was amiss, I casually grabbed my gun and opened the door.

In front of me stood this pencil-pushing loser. “I’m from the census,” he said. My hair stood on its end. You see, I have experience with this so-called “census.” Just ten years ago the same census gang targeted my home. I told them to get lost, but apparently, they didn’t get my message.

“I thought I told you folk to scram in 2010. You guys just don’t get it, do you?”

“Sir,” he said, “I just need to know some basic facts about your home—”

I cut him off. “Oh, I know what you’re after,” I said. Unlike most, I actually read up on online patriot’s forums: and not just the post titles, either. I go in depth. “You’re here to harvest my data so that the DEEP STATE can keep me pacified and monitor me, just like Q said.”

“I just need to know how many people live here.”

“So what? So that the government will know how many shots to take when you all invade?” I had read that in a YouTube comment and thought it was profound.

“No, sir, to draw districts.”

DEATH districts, he means. You see, they will carve up the population into little pockets so that militias BY THE PEOPLE can’t rise up.

“Oh, I bet you’d LOVE to know that I live on my own, in the lower income bracket, and identify as a white male. Give me a break. I know my rights. This is unconstitutional!”

“Sir, we need to take the census every ten years. It’s in the Constitution, in fact.”

Yeah right… like it’s constitutional to be unconstitutional! The census deep state operative was using his mind tricks to get me to surrender my Second Amendment RIGHTS. Patriots, this is happening at an even faster rate than I would have thought.

I told him to get off my property, or else I would call the police. He thanked me for my responses and left. A close call, but America wins again! There’s no telling when they’ll be back, or if they’ll be armed next time.

If they want my demographic data, they’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. ♦

No one has asked for Nate Odenkirk’s census information.

Thank you for reading!