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A Bowl of Chili Delivers a Stump Speech

By Nate Odenkirk | Staff Writer

Thank you for coming out. This is an incredible crowd! I now know what they mean when they say, ‘Iowa is the Heartland of America.’



I started this campaign as a bowl of chili. Delicious, hot bowl of beef chili with spaghetti and onions—and some oyster crackers, to be sure.


But with your support, and shredded cheese, we have made this a movement that the political establishment cannot ignore! We are a diverse coalition of spices and herbs that truly represent our country!


As a bowl of chili, I have worked hard every day to give the American people a hearty leader—one who is mostly beef, little filler. Oh sure, politicians talk tough, but they’re nothing but a bowl of beans.


Critics say that I’m a meat sauce in chili clothing.

(audience boos)

I say to them—I say to them—would a meat sauce be served with sour cream and chives?

(loud cheers, chants of “CHI-LI, CHI-LI, CHI-LI / Four more bowls!”)

That’s what I thought. I met a poor single mother in Davenport the other day. She works two jobs all the while raising a kid. She said to me: chili is both a convenient and filling dinner option for families on the go!


We need more of that energy, that spirit, in our nation. And so I stand before you today as hot and ready as ever to deliver that change, shift the D.C. elite’s paradigm of pizza or hotdogs. The American people say, “more chili, please!” ♦

Artwork by @ninalikestopaint

Thank you for reading!