By Nathan Mostow and Billy O’Handley | Staff Writers
One day after its landmark decision to ban the Confederate flag from all future events, NASCAR has also announced that it will officially ban the NASCAR flag, effective immediately. “It’s time to face facts,” read an official NASCAR statement. “The NASCAR flag is a symbol of ignorance, racism, and stupidity.”
“Every time I looked into the stands and saw the NASCAR flags waving around, I knew I was surrounded by a bunch of racist hicks.”
None were more enthused about the change than Bubba Wallace, the African-American NASCAR driver who called for the flag’s removal. “I’ve wanted to be a racecar driver my whole life,” explained Watson. “But every time I looked into the stands and saw the NASCAR flags waving around, I knew I was surrounded by a bunch of racist hicks.”
Many NASCAR fans were quick to criticize the decision. “The flag stands for NASCAR’s proud heritage. It is in no way, shape or form a symbol of hatred, even considering what has been done in the flag’s name,” said longtime NASCAR fan Chip Preegul in between keg stands. “My grandfather married his cousin under that NASCAR flag. One day, I’ll marry my own cousin under it.”
Nonetheless, the flag will be relegated to bumpers of rusty pickup trucks and homes of policemen for the time being. ♦