Op-ed: What is that Helicopter Doing?

By Nate Odenkirk | STAFF WRITER

What is that helicopter doing?

That one there.  It’s not moving.  Well, I mean, it’s floating or, well, hovering…

Yeah…

No…

It’s still there.

It’s light isn’t on anymore, it stopped blinking. You saw it blinking before, right?

Weird.

Well, if it’s just gonna stay there, then they’re clearly up to something. It’s been five—at least, five—minutes and I haven’t seen it move. Maybe the pilot’s using the bathroom.

Can you check if there are bathrooms on helicopters?  Google that.

They could be finishing a puzzle. Or having an argument. I get into arguments all the time when I’m on a plane. But, yeah, this is a helicopter.

Hold up! The searchlight just turned on! And they’re circling!  Honey, come over here, you gotta see this – they’re circling something! Well I don’t know what it is. Maybe they dropped their keys?

Wake the kids up, they really should see this. KIDS! WAKE UP AND COME TO YOUR PARENTS’ ROOM AND LOOK AT THIS HELICOPTER!

Hang on, I’ll get my camera. Stay there! Make sure the helicopter doesn’t move.

[shutter sounds] Got it!  That one’s for the fireplace!

Oh wow! It’s coming our way…

Kids, go back to your rooms. I’ll go hide the money.  Honey, flush the “candy,” fast! ♦