By Pat Neely | GUEST CONTRIBUTOR
Dear The Rolling Stones,
My name is Pat Neely, CFO of Feed The Meter Foundation. We are huge fans of your latest album, [album name]. Plus, we were just made aware of your noble efforts over the years to support benevolent charities, raising perhaps millions in riches for important causes.
As such, Feed The Meter Foundation would love to partner with you for our annual benefit concert, “Changing a Life 2020.” Feed the Meter is a for-profit urban initiative dedicated to keeping at-risk car owners safe from parking violations. Let me tell you a rather personal story of how all this got started:
In March of 2010, some friends and I tragically lost a friend after a long battle with cancer. The funeral lasted far longer than we could have ever imagined, and when we came back, to add insult to injury, we each had a parking ticket—700 dollars in total. As you can imagine, we were devastated by this loss of our “fun money” for the month. My friends and I were determined to do something—anything, to make something good come out of his untimely (and overtime-ly) passing.
At first, we wanted to launch an ambitious legislative effort in all 50 states to pass laws mandating that eulogies be limited to a tight fifteen minutes. I’m proud to say that after years of lobbying, “Pat’s Law” (named after myself) is now on the books in nearly 20 states, just not the bigger “good” ones.
A victory, sure, but we soon realized that we weren’t attacking the heart of the problem—the parking meters. So, my charity took the step to transition to a more on the ground, grassroots organizing. We call it Feed The Meter. We imagine a legion of community support groups that patrol busy streets at peak rush hour in cities all across America, with a pocket of change, ready to selflessly donate “time” by donating money. Do you get what I did with the word “time” there? I made it mean “time on the meter,” as well as actual “time in their day.” So, two things. Think about it.
Since our founding, our incredible volunteers have added over 10,000 minutes to meters across the country. Any meter with under ten minutes left is generously fed a diet of quarters and dimes to ensure no meter goes hungry.
Everyone knows someone who has been affected by a parking ticket in their life, so our message resonates with many of our volunteers.
Every year, we host the “Changing A Life” change-a-thon charity gala and raise upwards of forty dollars in loose change. It’s our biggest day of the year—and that’s where you, The Rolling Stones, come in. If this sounds like a worthy cause to you, we would love to have members of the band look through their pockets, their couches, and nightstands and donate their change to our cause, as well as play songs at a free “WORLDWIDE CONCERT FOR CHANGE!” See what I did with the word “change” just then? Read it again and take a minute to think on it. You’ll thank me!
In years prior, we’ve asked incredible guests such as The Black Eyed Peas, Little Wayne, and the legendary country duo Trick Hutchins & The Law to come through in the same way. Will The Rolling Stones be the first to finish reading the letter and answer the call?
Time is running out. Despite our incredible fundraising efforts, we are still just over 200 dollars shy of repaying the 700 dollar fine. We hope to see you at “Concert For Change” in 2020!
P.S. You can be the headliners if you want.
*Note: please, no lint. We have enough. ♦
Nate Odenkirk looks forward to seeing Trick Hutchins & The Law perform live. He donated 43 cents.