Has Anybody Seen My Lost And Found?

By Nate Odenkirk | STAFF WRITER

Has anybody seen my lost and found? I was here just yesterday having dinner with my family and I must’ve left it here. It’s possible I dropped it on the way back to the car (I parked down the street, anticipating the lot would be full). I had to fumble with my keys a bit—I remember that. I remember fumbling with my keys a little bit. Yes, for sure now. But I may have done that in the restaurant. The last thing I recall doing with the lost and found is moving it out of the bathroom after I took it with me during dinner.

It has, I want to say, three? Maybe four “jackets”, yes, jackets – not “coats”, but also one poofy grey coat. Yes.  Also, there was a textbook in there—algebra two or three I think (I don’t know if that helps)—that had a name in it, but I couldn’t make it out because they had written it in Sharpie. It also has about a half-dozen miscellaneous coat hangers. Four of the coat hangers were put there by me in order to hang up lost clothing, and the other two are coat hangers people lost. Let’s see, uh, there’s also a gym bag, with one sock in it. I’m not sure if the bag/sock combo belongs to two different people, or if there’s one unfortunate person walking around without a gym bag and wearing just one sock.

I feel so stupid that I lost it, but more than that I don’t think I can come into work tomorrow because what if I find something that no one claims? Where am I supposed to put it? Or, perhaps worse, what if a coworker had lost something and wanted to see if I had it in my lost and found, and I had to report that I’d found it but now it was lost, again, by me, either before or after fumbling for my keys.  They would be very sad.

Look, I guess all I’m saying is that I really need my lost and found back. If you see it, please put it in another lost and found. You can also scatter the items in multiple lost and founds if you wish, as I patronize them frequently (I lose things often, and am always looking to build my lost and found collection). Thank you.

Oh, by the way, on a totally related note, is anyone missing a poofy grey coat?

Yeah, me too. ♦