Op-ed: If You Liberal Snowflakes Say One More Bad Thing About Our President, I Swear To God I’ll Start Crying

By Ari Mostow, Bill O’Handley and Nate Odenkirk | STAFF AND CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Dear liberal snowflake trigger-warning babies,

If you’ve managed to somehow escape your leftist echo chambers on socialist media and opened your sensitive libcuck eyes to read this article, I have a message for you: the next time you say something mean about our great President, I WILL start crying.

That’s right, fuckers. The world isn’t some PC safe space. In Fact It is a NON-PC NON-safe space where I will break down in tears in the middle of the Riverside Mall Cinnabon that I’m typing this from if you make another rude comment about Mr. Trump.

Oh, do my man tears offend you? Sorry not sorry! This is AMERICA, where anyone can say or do whatever they want, unless it’s saying something bad about the president, which is super unfair because he WON the election.

I have been SO SAD recently with this whole impeachment nonsense. The Demo-craps have gone full Trump Derangement Syndrome, and it’s making me cry my eyes out. His policies have been so great for the American people (Supreme Court!) that he couldn’t possibly be impeached for doing a great job.

I’m a patriot, and that means bravely supporting our president no matter who it is now that it’s not Obama. If you hurt MY president’s feelings, you hurt mine too. I know if Donald Trump heard you easily-offended cucks say those things, he would also be watering this Cinnabon floor with his HEROIC tears.

So next time you brainwashed liberals dare to say that our president is “stupid” or “careless” or “separates innocent migrant families at the border,” you better think again.

Oh, I’ll have the original Cinnabon Cinna-blasts and a small lemonade. Thanks. ♦