〉By Gulliver P. Travels | CONTRIBUTOR AT-LARGE
Gulliver’s Travels is a weekly blog by travel expert and cynic Gulliver P. Travels. Read about his other adventures here.
TRIP FOUR: Baseball field in Clam Park, New Jersey
Shoosh. This trip was really hard. I was supposed to go to Iceland, but I missed my flight and I needed to submit something before the deadline. So, I went to my fourth-grade son Adam’s little league game in Clam Park, New Jersey. To be honest, I didn’t even want to go to Iceland, as someone had just told me that they made a second Paul Blart: Small Cop. Since I loved the first one so much, I was really looking forward to getting to watch the second installment on my own, and this trip would have interrupted those plans.
Anyway, my son Adam’s team, the Roosters, was going up against another team that didn’t say what their name was. Their jersey color was purple, my least favorite color, so I was for sure rooting for my son to win. Adam’s team started off not doing too well, they were 0-6 after the first 30 minutes. But then, something miraculous happened. I remembered my phone had unlimited cell service, so I was able to watch Paul Blart: Small Cop 2 right there in the bleachers!
But the good news ended there. I had brought tangerines, some unsalted pretzels, and a case of water for my flight (my usual) and Adam’s team thought I had brought that for them, so they raided my snacks! And the coach, Coach Deano, didn’t even stop them. I was very disappointed in his coach. I immediately called for a flight attendant to give me more pretzels and tangerines, but then I remembered that I was not on an airplane.
If there’s one thing a travel reporter knows, it’s when to leave. With about 20 minutes still left, I was ready to cut my losses and go home, one bag of tangerines poorer. That way, I would miss the inevitable gridlock caused by the other parents racing to get home to watch Paul Blart Small Cop 2. But I couldn’t leave my son, Adam, alone. How would he get home? I have not taught him the basics of hitchhiking yet (not to hitchhike). Faced with a tough decision—abandon my son or wait for him to end his baseball game that he will probably lose—I chose to go across the street to the supermarket. There, I replenished my travel cooler with tangerines and unsalted pretzels, and even some red Gatorade for later. When I had returned to the field, the game was nearly over. I set my cooler down for just a second, and while I was watching Paul Blart’s new movie, those sneaky baseball ruffians tore into my stash, again! I was very disappointed in myself, but also the young boys for stealing someone else’s food.
I took Adam home after and told him that he was doing a good job at baseball, and if he kept it up, he may even become a travel reporter “like his pop-pop.” Adam looked at me, his breath reeking of tangerines, and said, “I know.”
I would give Paul Blart Small Cop 2 an 8 out of 9, but I do not have a rating system. ♦
Nate Odenkirk and Ari Mostow also missed their flights, because they were busy watching small cops.