〉By Quentin Tarantino | GUEST CONTRIBUTOR
“Quentin’s Qorner” is a weekly column by award-winning director Quentin Tarantino.
Hey! It’s me! I’ve been a cool movie director for many years, man, and it’s hard to imagine what my life would be like if I never went down this path. But I’ll give it the ol’ college try today, because I’m using my column, Quentin’s Qorner, with a nifty little list of four jobs I probably would’ve had if I didn’t become a director!
*Just to remind you, I AM a director (lots of movies/films), and this list is PURELY hypothetical. I would never do any of these crap jobs.
1. Crazy taxi driver
Wow, man! Imagine how cool it would be if you get into your taxi and the driver is me, Quentin Tarantino! I’d love to be one of those batshit insane taxi drivers who just guns it down the street like a maniac, then slams on his breaks and barely avoids an accident. What a rush! I’d also make great conversation with my passengers. I’d loudly say lots of memorable quotes from my movies, like “say what again, motherfucker!” and “I should have been motherfucking Black Mamba!”
People love my movies so they would probably never want the ride to end. That way I could make lots of money as a taxi driver, because they would keep asking me to recite more quotes from my movies.
Wow, imagine award-winning Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino calling the shots at your local zoo! I feel a special connection to animals, because I always used elephant blood as the fake blood in my movies. Plus, how exciting would it be if a kid fell in the lion pit?
(The pay is pretty rough though, and I think the novelty would wear off pretty quick. So I’d only be a zookeeper if they let me keep directing films as my main job.)
3. Adjunct professor
Man, how cool would it be if you show up to the first day of class and find out that your adjunct professor is actually Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino! I’d love to have several hours a week to talk to a large captive audience about whatever I want, man.
I didn’t even think about this before, but maybe I could even bring in my buddy Christoph Waltz to do a guest lecture about one of his nutty hobbies, like doll collecting or speaking German!
4. Movie critic
This job would be AWESOME! Think about it: getting PAID to watch awesome films like Inglourious Basterds? Of course! What a great concept! As you know I’ve written extensively about why ALL movies are great so I already have some experience in the movie-reviewing-department. Everyone would also listen to my opinions, which is something that I feel people don’t do enough.
Well that’s my list! If you have any comments contact Quentin’s Yellow Cab Service. ♦
Nate Odenkirk and Nathan Mostow advised Quentin Tarantino to not start a 24/7 taxi service, but were ignored.