Quentin’s Qorner: Zebras are Nature’s Referees

〉By Quentin Tarantino | GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

Hey man, it’s me, Quentin again. I have a lot to talk about today, so let me just jump right in.

Speaking of jumping in, did you see the photos of that guy who jumped off a 30-story building yesterday? It was gnarly, man! You should Google it. It reminded me of this scene in Django Unchained where Django shoots a guy in the stomach and his guts spill all over the floor. You should Google that, too.


Last summer, Christoph Waltz and I went down to Orlando to cheer on our buddy Val Kilmer in the International Rock Paper Scissors Championship. While we were down there, Christoph and I popped over to the Orlando Zoo. At the zoo, I noticed these fantastic animals out of the corner of my eye, so I ask Christoph what they are, and he goes, “My dear companion [and award-winning director], I do believe that these equine creatures at which you point are commonly referred to as zebras.”

As an avid sports fan, my eyes were immediately drawn to the black and white vertical stripes. —Quentin Tarantino

As an avid sports fan, my eyes were immediately drawn to the black and white vertical stripes. “Man,” I said to Christoph, “these dudes look like referees!” If Congress ever votes on my petition to legalize gladiatorial combat, maybe we could use zebras as the referees! Or maybe I could hire some to enforce my “no texting” rule at the New Beverly Cinema!

Sadly, that’s when Christoph brought me back down to Earth. “As an enthusiast of athletic pursuits, you are undoubtedly aware that the modern American referee carries with him a whistle around his neck. Do you see any such whistle adorning the necks of our zebras?”

Zebras
See what I mean?

Okay, so maybe zebras can’t be referees in real life, but what about in a movie? As of today, I am suspending production on Once Upon a Time in Hollywood to develop my new project, Unhorsemanlike Conduct – a gory sports thriller with Samuel L. Jackson as a corrupt zebra referee who double-crosses the hyena mob! We start shooting next week, and Sam is very excited. You should be amped too, man, because I can already tell this one is going to be great. ♦

Nathan Mostow has pre-ordered the director’s cut of Unhorsemanlike Conduct on iTunes.