Timeline of the Mueller Investigation

〉By Nathan Mostow, Nate Odenkirk | STAFF WRITERS

With all the news streaming in, it can be hard to keep track of everything that’s happened with Robert Mueller’s investigation into alleged collusion between the Kremlin and the Trump campaign. Here’s a brief timeline of the main events up to this point:

Pre-2016:

July 1, 1990: Robert Mueller served withered, tasteless salad at Trump Resort; vows revenge.

2016:

June-November: Thousands of Kremlin-backed social media accounts disseminate lies and disinformation across the internet, including statements like, “Trump is qualified to be president,” and “Trump has the temperament of an excellent leader.”

2017:

May 9: James Comey fired after politely asking Trump to wear deodorant.

May 17: Mueller accepts offer to investigate the Trump campaign after seeing the ad on Craigslist.

May 18: Mueller finds conclusive evidence of collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign.

May 18-December: Mueller goes on extended sabbatical; learns violin, Portuguese.

2018:

February 20: Kellyanne Conway says some bullshit thing on TV.

June 24: Manafort finally breaks and gives Mueller the Trump campaign’s secret chili recipe (extra hot sauce and sautéed white onion served with Steve Bannon’s signature cornbread).

June 30: Report completed. Lengthy spell-check process begins.

July 19: Trump hires comedian Rudy Giuliani to distract from the investigation with his wholesome tomfoolery.

August 10: Attorney and Inmate #172938 Michael Cohen pleads guilty to 7,581 counts of fraud.

Mid-October: Mueller fired. ♦