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Store Inside Store Opens

<em><b><center>Store Inside Store Opens</em></b></center>

<em><b><center>Nation to Begin Therapy</em></b></center>

Nation to Begin Therapy

<em><b><center>Supreme Court Rules Precedents Can Be Overturned in 192nd Trimester</em></b></center>

Supreme Court Rules Precedents Can Be Overturned in 192nd Trimester

<em><b><center>Fatal Car Crash Leaves Hundreds Slightly Inconvenienced</em></b></center>

Fatal Car Crash Leaves Hundreds Slightly Inconvenienced

<em><b><center>America Invades Caribbean Nation Just to Cheer Up</em></b></center>

America Invades Caribbean Nation Just to Cheer Up

<em><b><center>Anti-Vaxxer Soccer Game Ruined by Moving Goalposts</em></b></center>

Anti-Vaxxer Soccer Game Ruined by Moving Goalposts

<em><b><center>America, Stop Buying Taliban Merch</em></b></center>

America, Stop Buying Taliban Merch

Breaking News:

Child Prodigy Masters ‘Hot Cross Buns’ on Recorder in One Day
Wife Unsure if Husband Cheating or Just Deeply Unsatisfied
Whole Foods to Use Organic Self Checkouts by 2025
Nate, Please Update The Scrolling Text

Child Prodigy Masters ‘Hot Cross Buns’ on Recorder in One Day
Wife Unsure if Husband Cheating or Just Deeply Unsatisfied
Whole Foods to Use Organic Self Checkouts by 2025
Nate, Please Update The Scrolling Text